False Eyelashes and other fake things

 It's only relatively recently that I've begun to notice the rather odd things people have been fixing to the tops of their eyes. Supposedly they're called 'false eyelashes' or 'lashes' or 'falsies'. Call them whatever you like, but with some so long, making eyes look like they have a spider crawling from inside out, I call them ridiculous.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm not altogether against them. When done well and in proportion to the rest of the face, they look great, glamourous even.

    There was a time once, I did a photo shoot with a girl whilst traveling through South Esat Asia. Of Polish origin, Emelia was drop-dead gorgeous in every way. Tall, slim, and with long almost black hair, she turned heads everywhere we went in Bangkok. The shoot was going well but it wasn't until I moved in closer to get some headshots that I noticed something new to me. Not only were her brows plucked with the accuracy of a NASA space engineer but her lashes too, modest in volume, were perfect. Incredibly, not one single strand was out of place. Seeing my interest she promptly explained that they were 'extensions' - something I'd never come across before. That incident happened several years ago but it seems the hairy eyewear fashion has gone into overdrive ever since. Some examples I've seen recently are so large, so expansive, they can I'm sure actually cause a draft with a single flirtatious wink, that's if one's eyelids are physically strong enough to operate in the first place.

    Add falsies to the other trends going on today, the pumped-up lips, the giant fake boobs, and skin the colour of tinned carrots (don't get me started on the 'perfect' white teeth, they deserve a piece of their own) and you get the resulting look of an old worn-out sex doll at best or a desperate drag queen after a very rough night out at worst. All in all, it isn't good.

    Maybe I'm just old-fashioned (I certainly am) BUT who in their right mind would ever choose to wander around looking like an inflatable plastic sex toy - one with 'real' rooted hair and three useable orifices? (I only found this out through extensive online research, honest - links available on request.)

    Thinking I was missing something I researched even further - I watched a bit of TV, and came upon a program called 'The Only Way Is Essex', better known as' TOWIE'. Seriously, forgetting the storyline (also fake) what are they visually all about?

    When it comes to television it's not unusual for people in front of the camera to wear a little more makeup, BUT the people on that show, what the hell are they thinking? They look ridiculous. Why doesn't anyone with a modicum of common sense point that out to them? The look of bright orange pumped up everything, and overly hirsuit eyes simply doesn't fly. The problem then becomes exaggerated when the general public, those who are easily led, copy the fashion faux pas.

After a while, unfortunately, when enough people are fooled, the trend takes on a life of its own and the effect of the emperor's new clothes kicks in. It's only when someone of notary respect speaks out against it, that the trend might get broken.

Here's me hoping.