Brighton and Hove: Donuts

So you think you know Brighton... 

Well you don't until you've...

Eaten too many donuts on the pier.

Any coastal town in Britain worth visiting offers an entire host of things to eat, the likes of which you wouldn't necessarily eat anywhere else. One such thing is the freshly, deep-fried, sugar-coated, hot donut. Although there are several establishments around town selling such a delicacy, the most notable one is at the mouth of the Brighton Place Pier. Here available, are crepes and candyfloss and hot dogs and hamburgers and churros (nothing like what you get in Spain) and chips and teas and coffees. And of course, donuts. The smell alone is enough to have you floating in, like Bisto kids on a wave of nasal ecstasy.

So you're at the stall. In front of you is a big sliver hopper with a rotating arm that presses out a round dollop of dough. Splash, it hits the hot oil and begins to cook. There are two of you, maybe you have a couple of kids demanding your attention too. Suddenly you're all entranced, watching the pale gray floating plasticine-like circles turn to gold. Lips are licked when magically they are flipped over, cooked a few seconds more, then end up on a cooling tray at the other end of the machine.

Before you arrived, because you're 'not really hungry' and  'watching your weight' you'd already agreed to have just one donut each, but suddenly you're hit with a dilemma. They look so good and there is a sign showing how much cheaper it is to buy more than just a few. A bag of eight donuts, maybe even more, swiftly becomes a much better idea. 

You pay your money. You walk away. Feeling like Jesus feeding the five thousand and trying not to burn your fingers, you pass them all around.

    'Don't get sugar on your shirts,' says someone.

You all tuck in simultaneously. The first bite is amazing. Piping hot sweet dough almost melts in your mouth. Nostalgia kicks in. The taste takes you back to your childhood and long summer holidays away from school.

Swallowing quickly, you take another bite. The 2nd mouthful isn't quite so good but you swallow it down anyway and take a 3rd.

Now you're feeling like you've consumed more sugar than you've ever had in your entire life, but you persevere regardless.

At last, after your 4th bite, the donut is completely gone. You lick your fingers and your lips.

Already, glucose-infused blood is coursing through your veins like never before. You're rushing and feel like you can run a marathon but feel as sick as a dog too.

Pretending you're still having the best of fun, you pass the bag of sweetness around again. This time people aren't quite so keen to indulge.

    'Let's have the rest later shall we?' says someone wise.

Later comes. The bag full of donuts has gone cold. Grease has soaked through the paper and is threatening to tear open.  Gulls, they've seen it all before, begin to circle like vultures over a rotting cadaver. It's just a matter of time before they're fed.